Forgiveness

In his book, Cries from the Cross, Erwin Lutzer says:
"Should we forgive those who refuse to ask for it? Since God does not forgive those who refuse to ask for His forgiveness, why should we? The answer is that when our forgiveness is not requested, we must still grant it in the sense that we release our bitterness to God and commit our adversaries to Him.
"In human relationships, when forgiveness is requested, reconciliation is never a certainty. "If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, 'I repent,' forgive him." Luke 17:3 - 4 (NIV). The goal of forgiveness is always reconciliation, that is, the uniting of two divided hearts. But when forgiveness is not requested, the offended part must sill choose to "forgive" in the sense that the injustice is turned over to God. If not, the hurt and anger will destroy the human psyche and grieve the Holy Spirit. The perpetrator has caused enough pain already; the only way to be free from his or her continuing influence is to "forgive" by surrendering the matter to God." (Page 48)

A few paragraphs later he says:
"Should we forgive those who ask for forgiveness even when we doubt their sincerity or cannot trust their motives? The answer is yes, for we cannot see the human heart. Jesus told the disciples that they must be willing to forgive many times - seventy times seven - if they wished to understand God's forgiveness. However - and this is important - forgiveness must again be distinguished from reconciliation. A wife can forgive her adulterous husband, but that does not mean that she is required to blindly trust his lifestyle. There has to be counseling, the passing of time, and accountability. Regain trust is a long, often difficult process."